Have you ever experienced an awkward pause as you nervously wonder what to say next in a conversation? Or has anyone abruptly turned away from you as you were talking, leaving you to wonder if it was something you said? Maybe there was a perfectly good reason for these perplexing moments. Or has it become a pattern for you? If so, your conversational skills — and thus your ability to connect with the other person — may need a tune-up.
If you’re like most people, you desire meaningful interactions with other people. However, many of us find it challenging to consistently initiate or continue satisfying interpersonal exchanges. Whether you are trying to meet new people at a wedding or enhance your relationships with your coworkers or friends, developing good conversational skills can be the key to beginning to experience satisfying interactions and, ultimately, cultivate meaningful relationships with others.
Here are some tips to help you improve your conversational skills:
- Stop pelting information. DON’T use a “machine gun” style of sharing. Avoid rattling off fact after fact, detail after detail — especially about yourself. People with this style of conversation rarely take time to breathe in between statements, let alone check the other person’s interest level in the discussion. Sometimes a rapid-fire style of pelting information stems from insecurities about being able to capture and hold another person’s attention. Unfortunately, this conversational style often leads to an undesired outcome — the other person is typically turned off by the speaker’s excessive amount of self-interest.
- Pay attention to body language and verbal cues. DO become more aware of the other person’s response to the conversational topic. Check the other person’s interest level before you continue a line of sharing. Say something like, “Would you like to hear more about this?” or “I would love to say more about this topic if you’re interested.” Then observe the other person’s body language to sense whether the person is urging you to continue or is communicating a preference to discuss another topic. If the person’s eyes start to glaze over or if the person starts turning away, change the topic. But if the person’s eyes are alert or if the person leans toward you and says, “Yes, yes, go on, tell me more,” those are signs of interest and a green light for you to continue sharing on the current topic.
-
The question then becomes: Are generic drugs as effective as brand name drugs? The answer is a resounding “Yes!” Here is why: Any generic drug must contain the same ingredients used in the manufacturing of cialis samples in canada bought here and also is used for the same purpose, the only difference being that this is made by another company. Hip damage may occur because of any illness, injury, or viagra prescription uk gradual decay tissue in the joint. Here, we are talking about the erection-enhancing medicines available cheap levitra on line with different brand names. Kama means art of making love and while agra is the suffix of buying levitra in canada.
- Inquire into the other person’s perspective. DO ask questions that involve the other person’s opinion. This is a great technique because most people enjoy talking about themselves and are often self-centric. For instance, if you say, “I heard that another version of such and such popular video game is coming out soon,” you could add, “What is YOUR favorite game or pastime?” or “What did YOU do with your free time last weekend?” In fact, you can take any subject matter and turn it into a conversational connecting question. Simply remember to ask about the other person’s perspective, feelings, or thoughts about that topic.
- Avoid dismissive or invalidating comments. DON’T minimize another person’s experience. People share their experiences to seek validation that their experiences are normal. They want to know you are listening and are trying to understand. If you make a dismissive comment or contradict them right away (e.g., “No, you don’t really feel that way” or “Oh, that’s because you’re too sensitive”), you are shutting them down. As a result, they may avoid sharing with you in the future. DO take time to LISTEN. People often need a little time to express themselves and process what they’re going through. You can help this process by validating the person’s experience (e.g., “I can see how you felt that way” or “That’s an understandable reaction.”)
- Skip the advice. DON’T give advice — at least not right away. Unsolicited advice is typically unwelcome. Listen before you jump into a problem-solving mode. There will be plenty of time later to help solve the problem, IF the other person wants your help in that way. But first, that person needs time to process feelings and experiences. Instead, DO make empathetic statements to show you are trying to understand what they are going though. Try guessing the person’s feelings in the situation so you can show that you have been listening. You can say statements like “That is a terrible situation; you must feel really frustrated” or “That situation would really make me sad too.” When people are ready or want your advice, they will ask for it.
- Share something related. DO share something that you can relate to regarding a topic introduced by the other person. By describing something related, you are indicating that you have something in common with them. You also demonstrate that you are willing to share something about yourself. One definition of intimacy is knowing another person and being known. When you engage in a mutual exchange of experiences and information about yourself and another person, you are laying the groundwork for a relationship connection. This is true whether you have been chatting for five minutes with a sales representative or you are listening to a family member share about his or her week.
- Show that you are care. This last technique, which underlies the core of all the other tips mentioned here, is a way of being, or a philosophical approach to relating to others. Here it is: Try being genuinely interested in what the other person has to say and sincerely interested in that person. Novel idea? Try it. Express real interest in another person’s opinions, thoughts, and feelings about the world around them. As others sense your sincere desire to get to know them, they will be happy to continue chatting with you. And who knows? Perhaps they will start asking you questions about yourself and express genuine interest in you! Imagine that?!